Marilyn and Chuck Furr

Marilyn, my wife of 43 years, died Sept. 17, 2005. A convert, she had embraced our faith remarkably. We know that faith is a gift which has many facets. All of us who have known and loved Marilyn were challenged to experience an unexpected facet of our faith — how to deal with months of illness which contained all the elements of hope and fear of loss, and then, the loss itself, with its grief.

How do we cope after the physical loss of one so universally loved and appreciated? I find it comforting to review her preparedness:

• After being anointed with the Sacrament of the Sick by our pastor, Marilyn said, “Father Dennis, now I am ready to go to heaven.”
• Nine days later, after another medical incident, Father Gary Secor said, “Marilyn, just give yourself over to Jesus.” Her response, “I have.”
• Marilyn understood the proper use of time, talent and treasure better than most. Hours before she lost the ability to speak, friends Jan and Will Rich entered the hospital room and she inquired, “What can I do?” In our stewardship reading, it is stated that “Jesus emptied Himself.” I submit that at that moment, Marilyn gave it all back.
• Always holding her hand after receiving Communion, I asked, “What am I to do when I come back from Communion and you’re not there?” Her response, “Just look up at Jesus on the crucifix and I will be there!” Wow, I thought, now we have our own special meeting place.

Shortly thereafter, Sister Marie Agnes, a cloistered Carmelite nun, told me, “We know your wife has joined Our Lord, but she is with you now more than ever. She is with Jesus, and when you receive Him in Holy Communion, she visits, too!” How very comforting and yet consistent with our belief in the Communion of Saints.

Eleven months later, before the death of our friend, Will Rich, his daughter Anne Dolan Van Oss related:

“Just like every other morning, I heard you (Chuck) arrive with Communion for my Dad, but this morning as I looked out the window, I saw, as clear as can be, you (Chuck) and Marilyn walking past to go to my mom’s front door. In all my anguish and grief, I looked up at Marilyn and with no disbelief on my part, she looked at me, smiled, waved and winked to convey the message as clear as can be, that my Dad’s death was very close, but that she was there not only for me, and my Dad,. but also for YOU. … She appeared healthy, happy, and radiating love while walking beside you. I wanted to tell you right away, Chuck, but I couldn’t; it wasn’t the right time.”

Recently, our daughter Janet Johnson related that her mom came to her in a dream. Janet had been praying the Hail Mary into her mother’s ear at the time of death.

“As Dad entered my house, he told me he had a surprise, but it would only be for a short period. Behind him, Mom entered. She gave me a huge hug, she looked great. She told me she was here for a short time, that she had many people she had to see.

“We went into our garage, which was set up like we were having a party, with many tables, balloons, etc. I pulled Mom to an area by myself and started asking her tons of questions. I asked if she heard me pray the Hail Mary, and she said, ‘Yes.’ She then said, ‘Janet, I am OK, it is unbelievable; just wait until you get here. You will not believe it.’ I asked her if she had a house, or shopped. She said she could not tell me; I had to wait to see for myself. I asked if she could see me. She said, it is not like that, but I am with you. She then said again how wonderful it is! I asked what the best part is. She said she could not tell me and then said something about meeting Gabriel. Then she was gone.”

I share these experiences because they are so very comforting to us in our loss, but also, they are not just for us. They are to be shared. They serve to assure all of us of the reality of the afterlife and of the communion of saints. May she rest in peace and continue to provide us peace.