Hello Mason and Teo,
I am part of a young adult ministry in my parish. My struggle is with the leaders of the ministry who seem to center the ministry on socializing, like drinking alcohol and clubbing. I hunger for spirituality and when I bring up my concerns to the leaders, I get shot down and feel ridiculed. Do you have any suggestions that can help me? (Fed up)

Dear Fed Up,

We understand your frustration and know your hunger. As young adult ministers for many years, we’ve had to continuously discern and assess whether our ministry was centered on Christ and remained focused on God. We were called to minister because we too were in need of ministry. It was no longer “us” and “them.” It was “us.” In order to understand our ministry, we started to see the heart of Jesus for us.

There is a huge difference between a program for young adults and a ministry for young adults. Programs tend to be focused on numbers, techniques and quick answers. Ministry is focused on people, changing people’s lives, understanding the grace of uncertainty and seeing the heart.

The key is to discern hearts, yours as well as others, including those who lead your ministry.

There are leaders in ministry who are there just to find a spouse, who use it as an excuse to drink in clubs and socialize in bars, who find in it a means to prove themselves and impress others. But you will find these kinds of leaders in all areas of the church — in parishes, on the diocesan level, and universally. God created us as social beings. Wherever there are people, there will be a constant battle between the self-seeking that leads to sin, and the selfless giving that brings life.

Created in the image and likeness of the Holy Trinity, we must “put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the desires of the flesh.” (Romans 13:14)

Jesus saw people. He didn’t see advantages, problems or program ideas. He saw people. And he calls us to see people. The essence of the Gospel message is the heart of the Lord seeking to restore people. It is Jesus seeking to mend, to heal, to redeem, to make whole, to set people free to realize a potential beyond their wildest imaginations.

Ministry is not reserved for those who “have their act together.” In ministry, many have wrestled with the need to attract “healthy” people. The fact is that everyone is incomplete. Beneath the mask of “having it all together” there is loneliness, fear of inadequacy, anxiety about the future, the need to be loved and the need to be needed.

We cannot make it alone. We first must learn to receive love from Jesus in order to be a conduit of that same love to others. “In this is love: not that we have loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as expiation for our sins.” (1John 4:10)

Pray for your ministry, especially your leaders. Don’t give up; give it up to God. Follow the formula for resolving community conflict found in Matthew 18:15 -17. The first attempt at resolution involves just the two disputing persons, “go and tell him his fault between you and him alone.”

If no resolution is reached, then bring in witnesses. “Take one or two others along with you, so that every fact may be established on the testimony of two or three witnesses.”

If this fails, then bring your dispute to the entire community. “Tell the church.” When the community makes a decision and the accused person refuses to repent, that person is cast out. “Then treat him as you would a Gentile or a tax collector.”

In your case, if you’ve attempted to resolve the situation and there is no change, forgive them and find another ministry. The Catholic Church is universal and larger than your parish. There are many ministries and community groups that can feed you spiritually. It is all about Jesus.

Begin with your own prayer life. Be honest with yourself. Remain faithful to the “yes” that you have given to the Lord’s offer of friendship since Baptism. Seek the truth and surrender to it for you “are the light of the world.” (John 8:12)

Francis Mauriac, a Nobel Prize winner in literature, once wrote: “Dear young people, Christ came to bring fire upon the earth. If you are his friends, many will come to warm themselves at this fire and draw from this light. … But the day on which you no longer burn with his love, others will die of the cold.”

Thus, “as the Father loves me, so I also love you. Remain in my love.” (John 15:9)