Hello Mason & Teo, I’m Catholic and serious about my faith. I was once engaged to a Catholic guy, we broke off the engagement because he wasn’t where I was spiritually. After nearly one year of not seeing each other we recently ran into each other. We’ve started dating again, he has grown some spiritually and he still wants us to be together. I’m not sure if he is the one for me. Do you have any dating advice that can help? (Dating dilemma)

Dear Dating,

Marriage is one of the most important decisions that you’ll ever have to make. So, who better than God to best select a “suitable partner” (Genesis 2:18)? We can’t know for sure if there is only one “one and only.” But if God calls you to the marital vocation then we can be sure that your suitable partner is out there somewhere. That is why discernment is a serious matter.

Along this line, an excellent read is “The Exclamation: the Wise Choice of a Spouse for Catholic Marriage,” by Patricia Wrona. She offers guidance for the Catholic who seeks God’s will in finding a spouse. Here are a few helpful dating tips found in chapter six: “Catholic ‘Speed Dating’: Ten Shortcuts to Discernment.”

Pray together. Prayer is the foundation of a good, solid marriage, so begin praying together to place God at the center and heart of your relationship. Begin with grace over meals out, and make praying a routine during dates or after talking on the phone at night.

Go to Mass together. Mass is the greatest prayer. As Catholics, we are privileged to be able to commune with Jesus — body, blood, soul, and divinity — in the Eucharist. You have a better chance of recognizing if he or she may be your God-given spouse as you share Christ in the Eucharist.

Adore the Blessed Sacrament together. Christ is truly present in the Blessed Sacrament. By bringing that person before the Blessed Sacrament and presenting yourself as a couple before the Lord, you’ll begin to find out if he “approves” of your being together.

Be with children together. Any Catholic marriage must be open to the blessing of children. See if this person will be a good parent by finding opportunities to be around children, by chaperoning a youth event or volunteering at an outing for children.

Meet the parents. Early on, introduce your friend to one or both of your parents. Meet your friend’s parents, too. Both sets of parents have valuable insights into marriage. Seeing your friend’s parents will tell you a lot about what he or she has been exposed to as a standard for marriage.

Discuss the church’s teachings on birth control and abortion. The church teaches that abortion and any use of artificial contraception is gravely immoral. Does your friend accept, and will he or she live by, these beliefs? If not, he or she is not God’s chosen person for you. Will your potential spouse make the right decisions if faced with infertility, life-and-death situations, or a child born with a disability? Will this person make proper moral judgments for you or with you?

Attend the Sacrament of Reconciliation together. This does not mean to confess to each other, but to go to church for the sacrament together. Talking about the experience might help you both recognize “unsurrendered areas” in your lives and work through them with God’s grace and mercy.

Get spiritual direction together. As your relationship moves toward serious discernment, talking with a priest or spiritual advisor can give you good, sound spiritual direction.

Attend a retreat together. Going to a spiritual retreat together would be an excellent way to find the quiet time to reflect and pray on the choice of a husband or a wife.

“Fast” from each other with a separation. After a period of dating, the quickest way to see if he or she might be the one God has sent to you is to not see the person. “Fast” from him or her to learn what you really feel in your heart. We are not suggesting a “break up,” but rather time apart to test the depth of your feelings without the other influencing you. It is also good practice for chastity or sacrifice for the separations that occur in marriage, i.e. military service, business travel or illness. Can you get along without each other if you have to?

These tools are a good start to serious discernment of a suitable partner. Remain in prayer, for “This is the will of God, your holiness: that you refrain from immorality, that each of you know how to acquire a wife (spouse) for himself in holiness and honor, not in lustful passion.” (1 Thessalonians 4:3-5)