Hello Mason & Teo, I have been discerning about going into the religious life or priesthood. But lately, I’ve been interested in this girl. She is hot and I am totally attracted to her. How do I know what vocation God is calling me to? —Still Discerning

Dear Still Discerning,

Before you begin to discern whether a particular person is the one you should marry, you must first discern whether you are called to the vocation of marriage in general. A vocation is being called by God to live a certain state of life that leads you personally to holiness, to heaven.

Discerning your particular vocation should be taken seriously because God has a plan that is best for you and your greatest good.

God sees our entire life, and will always guide us to what is best overall. However, God created us with free will. He allows us to shape our own lives with our own decisions. He allows us to choose — God’s way or not. Anyone can make a decision, but discernment is looking for the things that will lead us to God, not away from him.

Webster’s dictionary defines discernment as “to sift apart.” Thus, we are sifting out God’s intention from everything else that influences us, including evil forces and selfish desires. It is to align our hearts and mind to the will of God and to surrender the outcome to God.

Any good Catholic should first consider the call to religious life. Give God the first chance at your life. Ask yourself these questions: Do you envy married people with their family and children? Can you handle having lots of people around you or do you prefer solitude? Are you drawn to the married lifestyle — its closeness, intimacy, household chores, caring for children, the hard work?

Are you drawn to the religious or priestly lifestyle — prayer, mobility, obedience and voluntary poverty? Are you willing to sacrifice yourself for the needs of your family or for the church? Do you want to marry for the right reasons and not just a way to get out of your parents’ house, or have someone take care of you financially, or to service your sexual desires?

Or do you want to join the religious life or priesthood as your last resort because you haven’t found someone to be with?

The following tools will help discover God’s will for your life:

®   Sacred Scripture: Contains wisdom and understanding regarding marriage and Holy Orders.

®   Church teaching: A man and woman must consent to a free, total, faithful and fruitful marriage.

®   Conscience: Use your sense of right and wrong in how God is guiding you concerning this person.

®   Reason: Use your brain/logic. Too often we are overwhelmed with emotion (such as attraction) and we make irrational decisions.

®   Circumstances: Sometimes circumstances fit perfectly and everything works out. God controls circumstances. If the relationship doesn’t work out, ask for God’s help. If it still doesn’t work out, maybe it wasn’t meant to be.

®   Feelings: Do you really love her? Are you in love with her? No one else can judge your feelings, but most people know when they love someone or are in love with that person.

®   Prayer: Pray to God about this person. The answers or consolations you get while praying (especially before the Blessed Sacrament) are good evidence to use in discerning.

®   Spiritual direction: God speaks through godly people. Seek spiritual direction from a priest or spiritual advisor who can give an objective perspective on your call to marriage or priesthood.

®   Fruits: Good fruits, bad fruits, consolations, false consolations and desolations will appear. If you start dating and your whole life falls apart because of bad fruits, you will need to reconsider if this person is right for you and vice versa.

®   Signs: Scrutinize them closely. They are best used as confirmation of a larger discernment. Satan may use signs to skew your calling, or other people may interfere to make signs happen. Keep your eyes and ears open to signs and test them to see if they are from God.

Information gathered using these tools collectively would help you make important decisions with good judgment. So take your time and discern well. It will affect the rest of your life and the building of God’s kingdom. And consider Romans 8:28: “We know that all things work for good for those who love God, who are called according to his purpose.”