My friend is thinking about getting a procedure done so that she won’t have any kids since she already has children. I heard one of the popes had a prophecy about consequences of contraception. Also, to add to that, my friend and her boyfriend want to get married in the church. In the marriage vows, doesn’t it mention about being open to having children? Please help me enlighten my friend. —Sorrowful

Dear Sorrowful,

The word “contraception” means against life, against fruitfulness, against conception. If God is life, then any act of contraception (a man having a vasectomy, a woman having her “tubes tied,” use of the pill, condom, etc.) is against God Himself. It is gravely immoral.

The church is deeply saddened when people choose to go against life, in word or in action. As part of the church, we too are troubled by their choice. Pope Paul VI in his encyclical “Humanae Vitae” was prophetic in his teaching on the consequences of artificial contraception. Pope John Paul II presented his catechesis on God’s plan for the body and sexuality in “Theology of the Body,” which reiterates the church’s stand on the Sacrament of Marriage.

According to the Catechism of the Catholic Church, “unity, indissolubility and openness to fertility are essential to marriage” (CCC 1664). A marriage must be free, total, faithful and fruitful. Free — no coercion; not forced or pressured. Total — no secrets, giving one’s entire self to a lifelong, unbreakable bond. Faithful — it is exclusive, choosing fidelity to one spouse. Fruitful — open to having children, the gifts of marriage.

A married couple that chooses to close the door to having children goes against the essence of what God intended marriage to be. On the other hand, there are spouses who are open to the possibility of children but to whom God has not granted them because of age or medical condition. Their union is not invalidated because of circumstances they did not choose.

In Scripture, God defines marriage and sexuality this way: “A man leaves his father and mother and clings to his wife and the two of them become one body” (Gen 2:24). When God made man and woman, he commanded them to “be fruitful and multiply” (Gen 1:28). The church, in its wisdom, teaches that responsible parenting — caring for and educating children — calls for appropriate family planning. Natural Family Planning (NFP) allows an effective way to manage the spacing of children by reading the woman’s fertility signs while respecting nature and God’s intent.

In practicing marital chastity, with God’s help, the tension between the bodily and spiritual dimensions of sexuality is tempered. Marriage isn’t whatever two people want it to be. In order for a relationship to be truly marital, it must conform to what God created marriage to be.

A couple who wants to get married in the Catholic Church in the Diocese of Honolulu is required to attend an Engaged Encounter Weekend and a series of preparation sessions with their parish priest and/or sponsor couple to discern their calling into the Sacrament of Matrimony.

True married love, its permanence, faithfulness and sexual passion, is a reflection of God’s own love for us. Living the truth about our sexuality is to fulfill our very being and existence. If we do not live according to that truth, we will miss the true joy and fall short of the true love that God intended for us.

Continue to pray for your friends and encourage them to seek the truth and choose life.